Drudgery

Recently the word the seems to be most often in my mind and on my lips is drudgery. I do the same things over and over again. I repeat small, mundane tasks that require little to no thought. A few mornings recently I've woken up to my kids waking up too early and thought, "This is it.... This is my life.... I am a drudge." It's sunk me into quite a depression or at least a funk several days of each week.

Today I read this thought, "When faith is properly understood and used, it has dramatically far-reaching effects. Such faith can transform an individual's life from maudlin, common everyday activities to a symphony of joy and happiness" (Richard G. Scott, Ensign, Nov. 2010, p.43).

My train of thought after I read that went something like this: "By simply exercising my faith I could raise my 'common everyday activities to a symphony of joy and happiness.' I want that. How do I get it? Well, 'Faith is a principle of action' (p. 43). So what actions need to be added to my life to increase my faith? I've been praying, studying scriptures, exercising, etc. How much busier do I need to be?...

"No. Not busier. I don't need to be busier. I need to use my time better. I could increase my service to others. I definitely have a few minutes each day to call someone. I definitely have an hour in each week to visit someone or do something nice for someone. Hmm. That's good, but I feel like I'm missing something....

"I also read, 'Faith in the power of obedience to the commandments of God will forge strength of character available to you in times of urgent need' (p. 43). I know that my decisions to have children and be a stay-at-home mom were fueled by obedience to commandments from God in regards to family. I have forged my character by exercising my 'faith in the power of obedience to the commandments of God,' even when I knew my decisions would make my life difficult and make my life choices seem crazy.

"With my character thus forged, I simply need to step up and acknowledge what I know. 'Such character is not developed in moments of great challenge or temptation. That is when it is intended to be used' (p. 43) My present challenge and temptation are to get down on my life and myself. It's time to rely on that character that I've been forging as I've made decisions throughout the last several years of my life. I need to have faith in the commandments I know are from God and move that faith from theoretical to practical, everyday application."

I know that what I'm doing each day is, for me, in accordance with God's commands. I have faith in that. That faith will take the "common everyday" that sometimes seems my life and transform it to "a symphony of joy and happiness."

Folded Blankets and Bigger Picture

Yesterday my three-and-a-half year old and my two year old came walking past me with blankets and burps cloths that I knew had come from a particular cupboard I had told them to stay out of. I walked into the room where that cupboard was and, sure enough, there were blankets strewn across the floor. I was irate. I wanted to scream at them. Instead I hit the door and slammed it, shutting them out. I began to fold the blankets and rags back up and put them away. As I did, I calmed down. I thought, "What is the matter with me? A few blankets on the floor should not incite that kind of reaction." The whole mess took me a total of two minutes to clean up and the cupboard looked really nice in the end. I came out of the room, reminded my boys not to get into that cupboard unless they ask me, and the day went on.

I've been troubled by this incident. Part of me wants to write it off as my being slightly unhinged as a result of being eight and a half months pregnant. But that excuse irritates me more than it makes me feel better. I consider myself a strong woman, capable of controlling my emotions no matter the environmental factors. I cannot feel justified in railing at my kids just because I was not feeling my best that day. Nor can I become so entrenched in my own small world of home and family that I become a petty, small-minded woman, easily bothered by things of little to no significance. When did such small things become of such import? They didn't. I just didn't take a moment to look at the big picture of the situation. I didn't take that split second to think, "How big a deal is this?" My biggest regret--that I don't know what they were playing with those blankets. I have no idea where their imaginations had taken them that they just had to have those "forbidden" cloths out of that cupboard. I bet it was something pretty cute that could have made me laugh.

Why

I am the mother of two boys. I plan be the mother of more. I am a stay at home mom. As motherhood is my job and my life, I spend a lot of time pondering motherhood. I am passionate about mothering and its essentiality.

Thus I created this blog in order to organize my own thoughts and feelings on motherhood. I am not presenting unique thought; as others in my same position are privy to the same thoughts and inspiration. Where I present thoughts or quotes the source of which I know, I will cite the source, for as I said, many others have had and are having the same kinds of thoughts on motherhood.

I am not expressing particularly profound thoughts necessarily. I do not tout what I write as fact (though it may be) simply opinion born of experience and observation. I simply wish to write about what I love--motherhood.

I should also add that I am writing this post anonymously so that I do not have to mince words. I do not wish to give offense, so don't take it. I do wish to say exactly what I think and feel. I hope you agree with me, but if you don't, I grant you your opinion, please grant me mine.